John Petrie’s Collection of

Sports and Science Quotes

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Science quotes

We can lick gravity, but the paperwork’s a bit tougher.: -Wernher von Braun
Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.: -Wernher von Braun
Damn it, Smithers, this isn’t rocket science; it’s brain surgery!: -Mr. Burns, “Treehouse of Horror II”
Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.: -Wernher von Braun
Sometimes I think we’re alone in the universe, and sometimes I think we’re not. In either case the idea is quite staggering.: -Arthur C. Clarke
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.: -Albert Einstein
I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.: -Steven Wright
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not, “Eureka!” (“I found it!”) but rather, “Hmm...that’s funny...”: -Isaac Asimov
The human body was designed by a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?: -unknown
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.: -Albert Szent-Györgyi
What is the use of a new-born child?: -Benjamin Franklin, when asked the use of a new invention
The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.: -Linus Pauling
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn’t.: -Lyall Watson
Here’s a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All you need is a cork, a bar magnet, and a pail of water. Simply attach your magnet to your cork, then drop it into the water, and voilà (literally, “you have a compass”)—you have a compass. How does it work? Simple. Notice that, no matter which way you turn the bucket, the cork always floats on top of the water (unless the magnet is too heavy). Using this scientific principle, early hardy mariners were able to tell at a glance whether they were sinking!: -Dave Barry
The man who doesn’t know what the universe is doesn’t know where he lives.: -Marcus Aurelius
The scientist does not study nature because it is useful; he studies it because he delights in it, and he delights in it because it is beautiful. If nature were not beautiful, it would not be worth knowing, and if nature were not worth knowing, life would not be worth living.: -Henry Poincaré
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?: -Steven Wright
Scientists were rated as great heretics by the church, but they were truly religious men because of their faith in the orderliness of the universe.: -Albert Einstein
Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.: -Mike Adams
Half the secret of resistance is cleanliness, the other half is dirtiness.: -anonymous
Science is facts. Just as houses are made of stones, so science is made of facts. But a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science.: -Henri Poincaré
We are an intelligent species and the use of our intelligence quite properly gives us pleasure. In this respect the brain is like a muscle: when it is in use we feel very good. Understanding is joyous.: -Carl Sagan, Broca’s Brain
The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. For this task it has a rudimentary nervous system. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn’t need its brain anymore so it eats it. It’s rather like getting tenure.: -Daniel C. Dennett, Consciousness Explained
Science is what you know. Philosophy is what you don’t know.: -Bertrand Russell
Physics is very muddled again at the moment; it is much too hard for me anyway, and I wish I were a movie comedian or something like that and had never heard anything about physics!: -Wolfgang Pauli, 1925
I do not like it, and I am sorry I ever had anything to do with it.: -Erwin Schrödinger, on quantum mechanics
...all nature is perverse & will not do as I wish it.: -Charles Darwin
As we delight in the strange and exotic beauty of orchid flowers, it is salutary to reflect that we are, in essence, looking at their genitalia.: -a British biologist (from The Beak of the Finch)
This isn’t right; this isn’t even wrong!: -Wolfgang Pauli, to something given to him by a student
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?: -Seymour Cray, father of supercomputing
#3 pencils and quadrille pads.: -Seymour Cray, when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.: -Seymour Cray, when informed that Apple had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.: -Edsgar Dijkstra
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.: -Bjarne Stroustrup
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.: -Pablo Picasso
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.: -Paul Erdos
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.: -Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it’s the exact opposite.: -Paul Dirac
One of the critical differences between you [as an embryo] and a machine is that the machine is never required to function until after it is built. Every animal has to function as it builds itself.: -Scott Gilbert
What can be more curious than that the hand of a man, formed for grasping, that of a mole for digging, the leg of a horse, the paddle of a porpoise, and the wing of a bat should all be constructed on the same pattern and should include similar bones, and in the same relative positions?: -Charles Darwin
Even if there is only one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makes a universe for them to describe? The usual approach of science of constructing a mathematical model cannot answer the questions of why there should be a universe for the model to describe. Why does the universe go to all the bother of existing?: -Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.: -Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.: -Dave Barry
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.: -Buckminster Fuller
Lisa, get in here... In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!: -Homer Simpson
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.: -Douglas Adams
I believe there exists, and I feel within me, an instinct for truth, or knowledge or discovery, of something of the same nature as the instinct of virtue, and that our having such an instinct is reason enough for scientific researches without any practical results ever ensuing from them.: -Charles Darwin
Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.: -Albert Einstein
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.: -Dave Barry
Black holes are where God divided by zero.: -Steven Wright
Is evolution a theory, a system, or a hypothesis? It is much more—it is a general postulate to which all theories, all hypotheses, all systems much henceforward bow and which they must satisfy in order to be thinkable and true. Evolution is a light which illuminates all facts, a trajectory which all lines of though must follow—this is what evolution is.: -Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution.: -Theodosius Dobzhansky
Homosexual Dolphin Has Highly Developed Sense Of Gay-Nar: -The Onion
God created the integers, everything else is the work of man.: -Leopold Konecker
This week, Georgia’s board of education approved a plan that allows teachers to keep using the word “Evolution” when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called “Jesus Horses.”: -Jimmy Fallon, SNL
Sleep with a hypothesis, but don't get married to it.
Q. As a fourth-year medical student, I am wondering if there is any way to remember the difference between “prostrate” and “prostate.” A. We contacted the Mayo Clinic, which informs us that surgeons there use this simple poem: If two R’s are found, it is down on the ground If one R is on hand, then it is a gland: -Dave Barry
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.: -Carl Sagan
A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.: -Samuel Butler

Sports quotes

Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day.: -Paul Hornung, Green Bay Packers running back, when asked why his wedding was held in the morning
This is a great time to be alive.: -Richard Cierminello, on college football season
If someone from Germany or somewhere, who had no idea what baseball was, saw Kruk play, he’d wonder what the beer truck driver was doing playing first base.: -Andy Van Slyke
I would think I drive most hitting coaches crazy. During one single at-bat I used six different stances on six pitches. Oh yeah, I also struck out. So what do I know?: -John Kruk
We weren’t trying to walk him; he just wouldn’t swing at any bad pitches.: -Bobby Cox, on the Braves walking Barry Bonds 7 times in a series
...there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer.: -Peter Richmond
Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.: -Shelby Metcalf, Texas A&M basketball coach, to a player who received four F’s and a D
The other night I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.: -Rodney Dangerfield
I'm glad we don't have to play in the shade.: -Bobby Jones, golfer, when told it was 105° in the shade
Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for one that does him in.: -Casey Stengel
When all is said and done, as a rule, more is said than done.: -Lou Holtz
We’re not giving away any football players who could hurt us later. I don’t mind people thinking I’m stupid, but I don’t want to give them any proof.: -Bum Phillips, Houston Oilers coach
Hell no. When I die I want to be sick.: -Abe Lemons, Texas football coach, when asked if he jogs
The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.: -Vincent T. Lombardi
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.: -Vincent T. Lombardi
I’m no different from anyone else with two arms, two legs, and 4200 hits.: -Pete Rose
I’d get real close to him and breathe on his goggles.: -Johnny Kerr, on how he would guard Kareem Abdul-Jabaar
Trying to sneak a pitch past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster.: -Joe Adcock, Milwaukee Braves first baseman
It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.: -Mark Twain
Statistics always remind me of the fellow who drowned in a river whose average depth was three feet.: -Woody Hayes, Ohio State football coach
My wife made me a millionaire. I used to have three million.: -Bobby Hull
I had a better year than he did.: -Babe Ruth, on why President Hoover made less than the $80,000 Ruth was demanding in 1930
Before you can win a game, you have to not lose it.: -Chuck Noll, Pittsburgh Steelers coach
All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, “See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.”: -Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers pitcher
Last season we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play.: -Harry Neale, NHL coach
I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you’re having trouble.: -Tommy Lasorda
I tell him, “Attaway to hit, George,”: -Jim Frey, Kansas City Royals manager, on the advice he gives George Brett on hitting
I left because of illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of me.: -John Ralston, former Denver Broncos coach
Blind people come to the park just to listen to him pitch.: -Reggie Jackson, on Tom Seaver
Who’s the one guy who thinks we can do it?: -Mike Gottfried, Kansas football coach, on learning that the odds against Kansas winning the Big Eight were 100 to 1
I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball I want someone else to go chase it.: -Rogers Hornsby
It helps if the hitter thinks you’re a little crazy.: -Nolan Ryan
Wouldn’t it be interesting to have an occasional zebra in a horse race?: -The Vent
Oral sex should be an Olympic sport. Why? Because it’s harder than curling, and if you’re any good at it, you deserve a medal.: -Lewis Black
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.: -Dave Barry
He’s [Stu Miller] got a fastball you could catch in your teeth. Three pitch speeds: slow, slower, and reverse.: -Coach Jim Murray
Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice versa.: -Casey Stengel
Never in the history of Major League Baseball have so many been paid so much to play so poorly.: -The Vent
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
: -Vince Lombardi
That was just instinct. Kind of like running from the cops.: -Marquis Weeks, Virginia running back, on a kickoff return for a touchdown
I should have shut up when I went up there and talked to Carlton Fisk.: -Pete Rose, on giving Fisk a little extra inspiration and energy by telling him this was the greatest game he'd ever seen or played in when he came to the plate towards the end of game 6 of the 1975 World Series
People in New England think that the Red Sox won that series, three games to four.: -Carlton Fisk
I'd walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play baseball.: -Pete Rose
Does Pete hustle? Before the All-Star Game he came into the clubhouse and took off his shoes and they ran another mile without him.: -Hank Aaron
You can learn little from victory. You can learn everything from defeat.: -Christy Mathewson
The two most important things in life: good friends and a strong bullpen.: -Bob Gibson
Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher in baseball. He is always pitching when the other team doesn't score any runs.: -Tim McCarver
I could have played another year, but I would have been playing for the money, and baseball deserves better than that.: -George Brett
If he can hit .350, we figured he could see.: -Harley Duncan, of the Missouri DMV, on why they waived the eye test for George Brett
Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat.: -Bob Uecker
In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs.: -Bob Uecker
I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed.: -Bob Uecker
I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three thousand dollars. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up.: -Bob Uecker
Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.: -Ted Williams
Man may penetrate the outer reaches of the universe, he may solve the very secret of eternity itself, but for me, the ultimate human experience is to witness the flawless execution of a hit-and-run.: -Branch Rickey
[T]here are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary. And there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I learned that, I gave Jesus a chance.: -Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon), Bull Durham
Cool Papa Bell was so fast he could get out of bed, turn out the lights across the room, and be back in bed under the covers before the lights went out.: -Josh Gibson
Once he hit a line drive right past my ear. I turned around and saw the ball hit his ass sliding into second.: -Satchel Paige, on Cool Papa Bell
I don't believe what I just saw!: -Jack Buck, on Kirk Gibson's walk-off home run off of Dennis Eckersley in game 1 of the 1988 World Series
As I grew up, I knew that as a building, it [Fenway Park] was on the level of Mount Olympus, the Pyramid at Giza, the nation's capitol, the czar's Winter Palace, and the Louvre—except, of course, that it is better than all those inconsequential places.: -MLB Commissioner Bart Giamatti
The way to make coaches think you're in shape in the spring is to get a tan.: -Whitey Ford
We are a much improved ball club: now we lose in extra innings!: -Casey Stengel, Mets manager
I'll never forget September 6, 1950. I got a letter threatening me, Hank Bauer, Yogi Berra, and Johnny Mize. It said if I showed up in uniform against the Red Sox I'd be shot. I turned the letter over to the FBI and told my manager, Casey Stengel, about it. You know what Casey did? He gave me a different uniform and gave mine to Billy Martin. Can you imagine that! Guess Casey thought it'd be better if Billy got shot.: -Phil Rizzuto
I cannot get rid of the hurt from losing, but after the last out of every loss, I must accept that there will be a tomorrow. In fact, it's more than there'll be a tomorrow, it's that I want there to be a tomorrow. That's the big difference, I want tomorrow to come.: -Sparky Anderson
I've changed my mind about it: instead of being bad, it stinks.: -Sparky Anderson, on the designated hitter
Problem with [John] Wockenfuss getting on base is that it takes three doubles to score him.: -Sparky Anderson
The only thing bad about winning the pennant is that you have to manage the All-Star Game the next year. I'd rather go fishing for three days.: -Whitey Herzog
He is not a dog; a dog is loyal and runs after balls.: -Tommy Lasorda, on Darryl Strawberry
I love doubleheaders. That way I get to keep my uniform on longer.: -Tommy Lasorda
He makes it look easy. You wish there was another league he could get called up to.: -Dwight Gooden, on Greg Maddux
We consider ourselves the luckiest fans on the face of the Earth.: -sign at Camden Yards during Cal Ripken's consecutive-games-played streak
Losing feels worse than winning feels good.: -Vin Scully
My kids used to do things to aggravate me, too. I'd take them to a game, and they'd want to come home with a different player.: -Bob Uecker
Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and one foot in an ice bucket. According to the percentage people, you should be perfectly comfortable.: -Bobby Bragan
The first time I faced him I watched him take that easy windup and then something went past me that made me flinch. The thing just hissed with danger. We couldn't touch him... Every one of us knew we'd met the most powerful arm ever turned loose in a ball park.: -Ty Cobb, on Walter Johnson
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.: -Vincent T. Lombardi
The future is much like the present, only longer.: -Don Quisenberry
I don't know how old I am because a goat ate the Bible that had my birth certificate in it. The goat lived to be twenty-seven.: -Satchel Paige
USC would take Ohio State and break 'em across their knee and say, "We're not giving you a rematch until you learn how to throw the ball.": -J.T. the Brick, November 2005, on why the Pac-10 was the best conference that year
To answer that question honestly, I'd have to lie to you.: -Isiah Thomas
No wonder all those guys tried to punch him in the face. Did you ever wonder if Jeff Kent was right?: -Scott Ferrall, on Barry Bonds
But my point is that competitive eating is a real sport, and I considered taking it up. But when I thought about what this would mean—sitting around for hours, stuffing my face with unhealthy food—I realized it was basically the same thing as journalism.: -Dave Barry
The weightlifting competition I saw was the women’s 63 kg class. I’m not sure whether this means the actual women weighed 63 kg or the weights they lifted weighed 63 kg. Or possibly the temperature in the weightlifting hall was 63 kg. There’s no way to know for sure without finding out what a “kg” is, and my belief, as an American, is that if I have to start understanding the metric system, then the terrorists have won.: -Dave Barry
[O]rganized violence punctuated by committee meetings.: -George Will, defining football
Did you guys take enough freakin' pictures already?: -Tiger Woods
Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankees' manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team. Costello: Look, Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: I certainly do. Costello: Well, you know, I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but, you know, it's strange to me, they give these ballplayers now-a-days very peculiar names. Costello: You mean funny names? Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean... Costello: His brother Daffy. Abbott: Daffy Dean... Costello: And their French cousin. Abbott: French? Costello: Goofé. Abbott: Goofé Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third... Costello: That's what I want to find out. Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third. Costello: Are you the manager? Abbott: Yes. Costello: You gonna be the coach too? Abbott: Yes. Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names? Abbott: Well, I should. Costello: Well, then who's on first? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I mean the fellow's name. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who. Costello: The first baseman. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy playing first. Abbott: Who is on first! Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first. Abbott: That's the man's name. Costello: That's who's name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Who's playing first? Abbott: That's right. Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every dollar of it. Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy that gets... Abbott: That's it. Costello: Who gets the money... Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Costello: Who's wife? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Abbott: What's wrong with that? Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name? Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy. Abbott: Who. Costello: How does he sign... Abbott: That's how he signs it. Costello: Who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base. Abbott: No. What is on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: One base at a time! Abbott: Well, don't change the players around. Costello: I'm not changing nobody! Abbott: Take it easy, buddy. Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base? Abbott: That's right. Costello: Ok. Abbott: All right. PAUSE Costello: What's the guy's name on first base? Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him. Costello: Now, how did I get on third base? Abbott: Why, you mentioned his name. Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third? Abbott: No. Who's playing first. Costello: What's on base? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third. Costello: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it? Abbott: All right, what do you want to know? Costello: Now who's playing third base? Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base? Costello: What am I putting on third. Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: You don't want who on second? Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta outfield? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: I just thought I'd ask you. Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field. Abbott: Who's playing first. Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field? Abbott: No, What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first! Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: Because! Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield. PAUSE Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The pitcher's name? Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: You don't want to tell me today? Abbott: I'm telling you now. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Tomorrow! Costello: What time? Abbott: What time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching? Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is— Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Gotta a catcher? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: The catcher's name? Abbott: Today. Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching. Abbott: Now you've got it. Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team. PAUSE Costello: You know I'm a catcher, too. Abbott: So they tell me. Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE Abbott: That's all you have to do. Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base. Abbott: Yes! Costello: Now who's got it? Abbott: Naturally. PAUSE Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Naturally? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Abbott: No, you don't, you throw the ball to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's different. Costello: That's what I said. Abbott: You're not saying that... Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: You throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's what I said! Abbott: You ask me. Costello: I throw the ball to who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Now you ask me. Abbott: You throw the ball to Who? Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to Who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a damn! Abbott: What? Costello: I said I don't give a damn! Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.