Okay, this is definitely the shortest story I have. It also seems kind of pointless. Why, then, did I want to post it online? Well, basically to add more to this meager section of my web page, and also because it is quite funny.

Kelly's a funny guy. He and Bobby are probably the two funniest people I know. He's also a very good guy, although, as he admits, "All my friends think I'm a computer god. They're such suckers." Fine; he's a lesser god. (Except in size.) Two examples of reasons he is a good guy are: he invented the "John, John Petrie" song and he reinstalled Windows on my computer for me. The latter took a lot of work, the former took nothing less than an inspired stroke of genius. Oh, and he also went off to "serve" his country and waste a whole year of his life. That takes more guts and character than most of us have.

So the funniest thing he did came when I didn't know him too well, in January of our freshman year in college. I lived next door to him, but he spent a lot of time in his room and Mike and Ryan's room (on the other side of me), and I spent a lot of time in my room studying or out studying, so we only talked once in a while. Jon Harvey had called a hall meeting in the study lounge right after we got back from Christmas break to make sure everyone was still there who was supposed to be, reacquaint ourselves with our neighbors, and, y'know, just meet once in a while like good halls should. He had us each say our name, our room number, and something we did over Christmas break. Kelly said one of the funniest things I've ever heard. But the greatest thing was he said it with complete seriousness and a straight face. He said, "I discovered the secret to cold fusion, but I'm not going to tell anyone because I'm bitter." That's great! And he must have thought it up right on the spot! No grin, no laughing, no nothing!

His second-funniest thing was on his web page, kelweaver.com. He has an "Ask Kel" section in which Austin and I submit stupid questions to which he tries to come up with funny answers. Austin asked a pretty funny question in its own right, "How can I go about creating a static warp bubble?" Kelly's response was something like, "Well, Austin, first you have to—Coolant leak! We got a coolant leak in sector 12!" Ha! Nothing like Star Trek humor!