These aren't my real career and life goals...well, some of them are real goals of mine...but this is just a silly, funny little list to which I have from time to time added things I would like to accomplish, in reality or in fantasy, like if I had many lives to live and do whatever I wanted in. So this is what I've thought of so far:
After I make my millions and retire from whatever it is I do, move to Spain and teach English to college students because they apparently get no training in English conversation. This will be rewarding in and of itself, assuming it goes as I imagine it, but I will teach them a few special things about English:
"allá" equals "over yonder"
"vosotros" equals "y'all"
"me imagino que sí" equals "I reckon"
And I just want to bring it to your attention that "y'all" is a perfectly good and correct word for the second person plural pronoun, as it appears like any other normal word in dictionaries.
Write at least three best-selling novels.
Find a Dark Side of the Moon necktie. (I did this one! I have it! It was the greatest Christmas present ever!)
Watch an Olympic badminton match and witness for myself the 200-mph velocity of the birdies.
Get a bumper sticker that says, "Don't blame me; I voted for Kodos."
Get a rear-window sticker that says, "Starfleet Academy."
Live forever.
Be on the American Heritage Dictionary's Usage Panel.
Write a story (or, hell, maybe a novel) based on the Traveling Wilburys' song "Tweeter and the Monkey Man" with the pen name Lucky Wilbury.
Submit a winning entry to one of David Letterman's weekly Top Ten contests. (I did this one, too! I was on their Super Bowl list, Top Ten Football Euphemisms for Sex. My winning answer was "Dierdorfing." I submitted another one, which I thought was better, "Breaking the plane," but perhaps they didn't want to have two entries by the same person.)
Be the front man of a successful '80s cover band called The '80s Cover Band.
Discover a new gene that has something to do with apoptosis, like perhaps a cell-surface protein on the surface of a macrophage that lets it recognize apoptotic cells, and name it "BOYD." Why would it be named that, and why in all capitals? Because it would be an acronym for "Bring out your dead!"
Be the Weekend Update anchor on Saturday Night Live.
Write a series of mystery novels and short stories that take place on star base Deep Space Nine, with Odo as the detective, along with the rest of the crew, of course (good God, I am such a Star Trek nerd...).
Be mentioned specifically by name as an alert reader in a Dave Barry column.