In general the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give it to the other.
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.
...it would be very singular that all nature, all the planets, should obey eternal laws, and that there should be a little animal five feet high, who, in contempt of these laws, could act as he pleased, solely according to his caprice.
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
Common sense is not so common.
If you have two religions in your land, the two will cut each other’s throats; but if you have thirty religions, they will dwell in peace.
You see many stars at night in the sky but find them not when the sun rises; can you say that there are no stars in the heaven of day? So, O man! because you behold not God in the days of your ignorance, say not that there is no God.
God is a comdedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.
Verses which do not teach men new and moving truths do not deserve to be read.
I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
A great many laws in a country, like many physicians, is a sign of malady.
The best way to become boring is to say everything.
All sects are different, because they come from men; morality is everywhere the same, because it comes from God.
England has forty-two religions and only two sauces.
Divorce is probably of nearly the same date as marriage. I believe, however, that marriage is some weeks the more ancient.
Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
A witty saying proves nothing.